From the Ancient Files of Priscilla N. Spencer: Alternative "Dido and Aeneas" Translations!

Purcell: Ah! Ah! Ah! Belinda, I am prest with torment.
English: I’m feeling depressed.
Teenager: God, I need coffee.
Pirate: Arr, me wench. I’ve a scurvy pain in me pegleg.
PseudoGerman: Ach, Belinden. I’men tormentenpressen.
Valleygirl: Ooh! Like, Belinda! Like, I am, like, seriously needing some, like, Tylenol or something.
Nadsat: Belinda, my droogie, I’ve a horrorshow pain in me gulliver.

*snickets* Why didn't I continue this?