Dear book!Legolas,

Please stop using the word "grope" and complimenting Gimli on the "hardness" of his "axe". I'm trying to be good and not to pay attention to all the double entendres that are ABSOLUTELY EVERYWHERE IN THIS BOOK TOLKIEN YOU PERVY OLD GOAT, but as Chungy tells me this book is supposed to be Pristine and Innocent, should be ignored. I was succeeding for the most part until YOU came around and started perving up Helm's Deep. You are henceforth not allowed to talk ever again, and must resign to standing around and looking pretty. You're good at that.

(Oh, and Aragorn and Eowyn have had only a scene and a half together so far in which they've only said like two words, and they already have more chemistry than Aragorn and Arwen. What's up with that?)

Crossly,
Priscilla