Fie upon you, Blogspot, for you have deprived me of my favouritest blog in the world! All my regular bloggy goodness has vanished. The only blogs I read on a regular basis are Tanja’s, Kell’s, and Ann’s. Ann has mysteriously vanished, Kell is at an anime convention, and Blogspot is being skanky and evil and is experiencing downtime. Fwah! ::kung fu kicks Blogspot:: Tanja, if I were you, I’d move Enfaldig Apekatt to swussian.com.
Okay. Here’s the story. I’ve been panicking over the past week because I didn’t think there was any way in Hades that I could finish my stupid photography books. My bookmaking –oops! I mean “photography”– teacher is a really nice person, but she’s such a perfectionist that I would go nuts if she taught next year. Thursday, when I was in photography class, everyone was saying that Kendall (the best teacher in the universe) had been fired. Naturally, I was horrified. Because I still wasn’t finished with my book, I came to school this afternoon to see if I could finish my book. I also had to redo my flexigon book because my bag containing all my photo stuff had vanished. Now, my “dummy” flexigon was in the bag, too, meaning that I had to make two flexigons in all: one so that I could find out which triangle goes where (the original dummy), and then the final.
Now, flexigons take a long time to make, especially when you the triangles are two-sided. The first one I made took about 5 hours. Well, I only had 3 hours to both finish my stupid pop up book AND the flexigons. Yeep. I was just getting underway, when who showed up in the photolab but Kendall! And with her, her month-old son, Lucas. Sarah Stuart and I (we’re probably best friends with Kendall of all the students) asked her if she were fired or not, and she told us that she was! And she was cool about it! Naturally, Sarah and I were horrified. What made matters worse is that because when Kendall was pregnant, she had posed nude for Fran Badgett, an incredibly non-conformist, yet very talented, senior. Now, this would have been completely accepted in a college atmosphere, but definitely not in a high school. Especially because two weeks ago, Fran was expelled.
Now, the rumor mill is saying that Fran and Kendall slept with each other. Oh, please! When the photos were taken, Kendall was so pregnant that she could barely even walk. She was just waddling around the photolab like a duck. It was so cute! Anyway, we all had a good laugh about that. Kendall said that because the rumor was so outlandish, it wouldn’t really bother her as much as if it were believeable. I guess that’s a good thing. Well, I doubt if the school will recall the pink slip, but I’ll still see Kendall every so often. She’s staying in Dallas, so that’s always a good thing. I still need to give her the present I made for her to commemorate Lucas’ birth. I hope she likes it.
Anyway, I was able to finish both books, so I’m home free. Kendall is grading our final portfolios, as opposed to Mrs. Rogers, as we had feared when we found out about Kendall getting sacked. That means, I’ll probably get an A in photography this quarter. Yippee! Also, we know for a fact that Mrs. Rogers isn’t being considered for next year, so that’s another plus. ::sigh:: I guess everything will work itsself out in the end.
My photography teacher is evil. Rebecca is groovy. That’s all I have to say about today.
I’m going to come up with 26 topics of conversation, one for each letter of the alphabet. Or at least I’m going to try.
A. Nari was introducing various WOFS members to a newbie. This is how she described me: “erm….lets just say she always has something to argue about….”. Do I come off as being that stubborn? Sure, I like to complain about stuff, but everyone likes to complain about things! It’s a fact of life! I actually think of myself as someone who doesn’t pick as many fights, even. Curious.
B. Tanja is my hero
C. Today was not a good day. Elizabeth didn’t bring the tapes for my video, even though I never told her to, so I couldn’t work on it during my free period. It would have given me satisfaction to have some reason to be mad at someone else, but because it’s my fault, I have no one to shift the blame to. Great. In Photography, or “Bookbinding”, I should say, I spent decades on my cover boards, then realized that one was a 1/4 inch larger than the other. I had to make another. Then I got all these weird markings on the board from the graph paper I was using as a barrier between the glue and the table, because everyone else used up all the wax paper. Then things just kept going wrong. I had all my stuff strewn everywhere when the bell rang, and my carpool was ready to kill me when I finally got back to the car.
D. Today was a good day. I signed up for Quiz Bowl for next year, which seems like it would be a lot of fun. I got to play my “Abbey Road” CD during photography. In carpool, Paulette’s mom brought us these huge Drumstick things. Chocolate and vanilla ice cream and nuts and … ::drools:: I worked on my Bio exam, got frustrated, went downstairs for comfort food, and ended up staying down there and eating watermellon and watching “Being John Malkovitch” with Steven and Larissa. Yay!
E. Orson Scott Card irritates me. Why did Ender have to be 30 in “Speaker for the Dead”? Why did the story have to center on these stupid creatures that speak Portugese? Why doesn’t he allow fanfiction? Why can’t I get into “Shadow of the Hegemon”?
F. My neck itches
G. I wonder why people are so unoriginal. I pose a series of clever alternatives to “British English” and the favourite is “British”. Just “British”. Not Britainese or Britglish or Anglish. Just British. How dull.
H. I got the new issue of Star Wars Insider today. It’s yayfun. I’ve only flipped through it now. I haven’t read any of the articles yet, with the possible exception of the 2-1B collumn. I absolutely love that column.
I. 2-1B has inspired me. I want to start an advice column! Send your burning, pressing questions to me. Then I can be witty in my response.
J. Have you hugged a wombat today?
K. Tanja is still my hero. I just wanted to make that clear.
L. The senior section of the Fourcast (the school newspaper) came out today. Nancy named me “Jets Night Out” planner. Erin left me a knowledge of useless trivia, with the reminder that I owe her $10 from our bet on who has the worst poetry in the galaxy. No one else mentioned me.
M. Wow. I’m more than halfway through. That’s rather impressive, If I do say so myself.
N. Malkovitch? Malkovitch. MALKOVITCH!!!
O. I hope Tanja can come to England. That would rock. I’m going to Cambridge this summer, and we want to conspire to meet.
P. Elmo from RML likes “Save Ferris”, too! He’s nifty. I need to get the new CD.
Q. Does anyone have a list of Terry Pratchett books? I’m too lazy to look. I’m blazing through Feet of Clay, and I want to know which are his best. And which ones have Rincewind or the three witches. Vimes is boring.
R. Today was my half birthday. Go me.
S. Blog!Voices and BlogSpot are down. That’s why I can’t read my comments, and that’s why Tanja’s blog has been down. How annoying. Tanja, why don’t you upload your blog onto swussian.com? ::sighs::
T. T is a nice letter. What starts with “T”? Oy. The first words to come into my head were “turtle” and “tuberculosis”. I wonder if this has any profound effect on my subconscious.
U. I never have been able to spell “subconscious”. And I’m too lazy to use MS Word’s spell check.
V. The word of the day is “condensed”. I say this because I have a can of “Campbell’s condensed Chicken Noodle Soup” sitting on my desk. It not has 20% more chicken. I’m using the can as a pencil holder. It’s stylish. Actually, it’s not. Still, find some reason to use the word “condensed” tomorrow.
W. Speaking of W, when does “That’s My Bush” come on? I’d like to watch it some time. It sounds hilarious.
X. The X Files. Oy. I didn’t watch the season finale, but I’ve heard about it from various friends. I can’t believe they would actually kill of Krycek! Jerks.
Y. Why do I keep getting the urge to curse in my blog? It’s not like me to use profanity. It’s just so much easier to get words out on the screen without trying to filter out language. I guess I avoid profanity in order to really think about what I want to say. Plus, I don’t want to offend anyone with my language. I always think it’s so obnoxious to hear/read people curse. ::goes off to ponder::
Z. Wow. The last letter. My eyes hurt. I’m going to sleep. Wait! No! I don’t want to go to sleep! I have to stay online until Tanja wakes up so that I can thank her for such a lovely picture! ::squeals:: I printed it out and posted it next to Ann’s picture of a communist Sailor Scout. It’s so amusing…
Well, that’s the alphabet list. I strongly encourage other bloggers to test out this tactic. It’s rather stress-relieving.
I added a new poll. Cast a vote! Here are the results for the last one:
TANJA IS MY NEW BEST FRIEND! She and Mimi were the only ones that remembered my half-birthday, even though I nagged about it incessantly. Click here to see the absolutely fabulous birthday card she made for me! I cried tears of joy when I saw it. And now, explanations!
Bob the Pro-Gender-Equality Veela is my original character. I got sick of all the guys swooning over the Veela in GoF, so I created a character for girls and gay guys to adore.
The blonde girl is Tanja. Her pink hair has almost completely faded. She says that she’s the queen of Swussia, because that’s the country that she started on WOFS, Kell’s BBS. It was originally just her nationality (Swussian = Swedish + Russian), but then she founded her own country, and I made a flag.
The tall brunette is me. I claim to look good in hotpants. The backstory for this starts with Tanja’s mother, who brings back hotpants for Tanja whenever she visits the States. Hotpants are really short shorts. Anyway, Tanja’s poll on her blog (which was down today for some reason) asked “Who would you like to see in hotpants”, and she wrote my name as an answer choice. I’m currently in second place. My shirt is one of Tanja’s homemade shirts: a red top with a yellow Communist star.
The drawing also reminds us of National Towel Day, a tribute to Douglas Adams. We see that Bob has already chosen a towel. It’s lovely, Bob.
Tanja, you rule.
Why is Tanja’s weblog down? ::frowls::
HETEROSEXUAL QUESTIONNAIRE
1. What do you think caused your heterosexuality?
2. When and how did you decide you were a heterosexual?
3. Is it possible that your heterosexuality is just a phase that you may grow out of?
4. Is it possible that your heterosexuality stems from a neurotic fear of others of the same sex?
5. If you have never slept with a person of the same sex, is it possible that all you need is a good gay lover?
6. Do your parents know that you are straight? Do your friends and/or roommates know?
7. Why do you insist on flaunting your heterosexuality? Can’t you just be who you are and keep it quiet?
8. Why do heterosexuals place so much emphasis on sex?
9. Why do heterosexuals fell so compelled to introduce others to their lifestyle?
10. A disproportionate majority of child molesters are heterosexual. Do you consider it safe to expose children to heterosexual teachers?
11. Just what do men and women do in bed together? How can they truly know how to please each other, being so anatomically different?
12. With all the societal support marriage receives, the divorce rate is spiraling. Why are there so few stable relationships between heterosexuals?
13. Statistics show that lesbians have the lowest of sexually transmitted disease. Is it really safe for a woman to maintain a heterosexual lifestyle and run the risk of disease and pregnancy?
14. How can you expect to become a whole person if you limit yourself to compulsive, exclusive heterosexuality?
15. Considering the menace of overpopulation, how could the human race survive if everyone were heterosexual?
16. Could you trust a heterosexual therapist to be objective? Don’t you feel that (s)he might be inclined to influence you in the direction of his/her own orientation?
17. There seem to be very few happy heterosexuals. Techniques have been developed that might enable you change if you really want to.
Have you ever considered aversion therapy?
18. Would you want your child to be heterosexual, knowing the problems (s)he would face?
(Sent to me by my friend Renata)
I just talked to Tanja for the first time on ICQ. For some reason this seems significant.
How to amuse yourself at no cost whatsoever:
1. Go to Google.com
2. Click “Preferences”
3. For “interface language”, pick “Bork, bork, bork!”
4. Go back to the google website
5. Click “Refresh” if necessary
6. Be amused