Tragically, it turns out that you’re RINGO.
CONGRATULATIONS! While your fellow band members have aged terribly from a combination of the barrage of drugs they did in their youth, and the toll of extreme success, YOUR looks haven’t changed in the least since you were FIVE YEARS OLD! See:
Our sources indicate you will someday be the last surviving Beatle, and may in fact live forever. Although your singing and songwriting talents weren’t quite on par with the rest of the boys, your drumming suited the band quite well and your sanity and niceness were what kept the Beatles together as long as they were. So be proud of your Ringoness!
Although most know you only by the size and shape of your nose, you’re actually a very three-dimensional character (haha, get it?), who enjoys wholesome activities such as being a good sport while others make fun of you, acting, chocolate pudding, and pillow fights.
Tell the world (or your livejournal buddies) of your new blue-eyed Ringo-ness!