Ganked from Rave: The State of the Union: Director’s Cut
I laughed so hard I choked on my oatmeal.
A little help, here? In what language does “nigellus” mean “black?” ::gets back to work on WIAN::
Quotes from the Con:
From the Slash panel:
Panelist Kate Tanski: Why do heterosexual women enjoy seeing two boys getting it on?
Audience: Because it’s really hot!
(regarding “Daisy-Chain Draco”)
Panelist Vicki Dolenga: You read it and you go “what the hell did I just read?”
(regarding Slash after OOP)
Panelist John Walton: Oh my god, we’re canon. You don’t have to read much into the subtext to know that Sirius and Remus are more than friends. ::woofs::
Panelist Kate Tanski: Thank god I was a Harry/Snape slasher before this.
Panelist John Walton: Percy is the new Draco.
Panelist Vicki Dolenga: I’m just glad that we now have established female characters. Femme slash with Tonks, I mean come on.
Audience member: Writing Hermione/Ginny is subverting the system!
From the Draco panel:
Aja: (Introducing) Draco Malfoy: Slimy git now and forever, or does he have redeeming qualities?
Carlisle: Carlisle, known as Cedar. He’s a twit.
Catherine: I’m Catherine Tosenburger, and I think he’s a boring twit.
Cassie: I’m Cassandra Claire, and I think Draco has potential.
Irina: I’m Irina, and I try to see potential in everybody. I like Draco and I will not apologize for it.
Aja: No one is ambivalent. He’s Mr. Darcy or he’s Hitler.
Irina: In canon, he’s hopeless and offensive and a thorn in the side who eventually goes off into oblivion until he shouts “You killed my father! Prepare to die!”
Aja: His role is to echo Harry and underline the fact that Draco is what Harry could have been and vice versa, if Draco had any regard for human life.
Catherine: Dudley is getting all the development!
John: In the sense that he’s beating up small children! That’s depth, man!
Irina: That is so fanon.
Irina: You can’t atone for being a stupid brat.
From the Fandom Vernacular panel:
Panelist: We’re friendly! We promise! We’re just depraved!
From “The Importance of Being Ron” panel:
Panelist: It’s the half-blind leading the blind.
Panelist: Ron is a Harry/Ginny shipper.
From “Sail on, Good Ship”
H/H Panelist: In Prisoner of Azkaban, it’s all Harry and Hermione. They’re chained together, then fly off on a hippogryff, a symbol of love.
(Later)
H/R Panelist: Hermione doesn’t like riding on the hippogryff!
H/R Panelist: We look forward to the time Ron gets a clue.
H/R Panelist: We as romantics put everybody together. We put Dobby and the Giant Squid together.
From the “Timelines” panel:
(Regarding the Aberforth-IS-Dumbledore theory)
Audience member: But that would mean that it was Dumbledore prosecuted for practicing inapproprate charms on a goat.
Steve Vander Ark: Of course, you’re jumping to conclusions of what those inapproprate charms were.
The League of Extraordinary Gentlepersons:
DIRECTIONS:
1. Choose five to seven characters.
2. They may be from books, movies, comics, TV shows, games, and real life–but no traditional superheroes.
3. They may be from any place in the universe, any time. They do not have to be from the same time/place as the orginal League.
4. You must identify the recruiter, the villain, and the leader, and there must be at least one female.
5. Optional, you may identify their main mode of transportation.
THE LEAGUE:
1. Commander Samuel Vimes, Blackboard Monitor extraordinaire in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series
Strengths: Prodding buttock and taking names
Weaknesses: Poor diplomatic skills beyond the “Ankh-Morpork Handshake”
2. Thursday Next, heroine of The Eyre Affair and sequels
Strengths: Vast literary knowledge, “bookjumping” ability, and pet Dodo named Pickwick.
Weaknesses: Must be occasionally aided by Granny and/or Dad.
3. Aziraphale, angel, and Anthony J. Crowley, demon. Counted together because every great league must have one aspect that is simply slashtastic.
Strengths:
(Aziraphale) Creatively pronounceable name, fanatacal obsession with books, flaming sword, and pretense of being gayer than a tree full of monkeys on nitrous oxide.
(Crowley) Ruthlessness, inventiveness, tolerance for alcohol, and snarky wit.
Weaknesses:
(Aziraphale) confused Witchfinder Generals.
(Crowley) Holy water.
4. Rachel, from K.A. Applegate’s Animorphs series
Strengths: Ability to morph into the animal of her choice, unquenchable anger, capacity for violence, and ability to pick out a GAP sweater a mile away.
Weaknesses: Dependence on spandex clothing for decency, hair-trigger temper, and most likely dead and/or insane by the end of the series
5. Heidy Tandy, goddess of the Harry Potter fandom
Strenghts: Capable of organizing conventions, delivering babies, ruling Fandoms, clearing skyscrapers in a single bound, achieving world peace, curing world hunger and every affliction known to man, and developing a renewable, clean, lucrative energy source ALL BEFORE BREAKFAST.
Weaknesses: Penchant for pickles and ice cream, together.
6. The Professor, Gilligan’s Island
Strengths: Ability to make a radio transmitter from coconuts
Weaknesses: Can’t fix the &$*(% boat
7. Boris Grishenko, from Goldeneye
Strengths: Technological super-savvy. Replaced Jason Fox on the list because of his adoreable Russian accent and the fact he was played by Alan Cumming.
Weaknesses: Invincible! Or not. Obsessive-compulsive habits, liquid nitrogen.
THE RECRUITER: Havelock Vetinari
Strengths: Sarcasm, linguistic proficiency, 1337 Assassin skillz, probable dead sexyness in youth, and a mind like a corkscrew
Weaknesses: If he had them, they’d’ve been exploited by now.
THE VILLAIN: Mary-Sues
Also Considered: Inigo Montoya, Captain Jack Sparrow, Jason Fox, Rincewind, Susan Sto Helit, Granny Weatherwax, Pippin (because without Boris, we needed someone with a really cute accent), and the Weasley twins.
::looks through panel notes::
Man, I loved this convention. Less-than-threes for everyone I met there!
::begins assembling uber-review::
You are… ‘Damn, he smells good!!!’ I really don’t see how an old sweaty pirate COULD smell good, but then again, it IS Captain Jack Sparrow we’re talking about. What’s not to like?
What random made up thought from Pirates of the Caribbean are you?
Erm…. no. That is not Sirius Black. Ask yourself how far hair grows in thirteen years, buckoes. Wah.
But Ron’s sweater amuses me beyond belief, so it’s all good.
I hereby announce that my new ship is Giant Squid/Whomping Willow. Theirloveissotentacular. It’s the new Harry/Draco.
But then again, the sheer perfection of Snevans leaves me breathless. Sam, you are my entire pantheon of gods.
Working on a sort of moorish gypsy look for OoP auror Kingsley Shacklebolt, I suddenly realized I was drawing him in Nightcrawler’s stripey, flared pants. And one day while shopping, I found myself looking for something resembling an image in my mind, which I later realized was the same pair of pants. Psychological issues surrounding possible obsession with Nightcrawler’s pants will not be further analyzed.
WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH MAGS AND STEPH ARE GONEEEEEEE!!!!!!! ::cries::
But I still have my Lishbat. ::clutches:: Until tomorrow, anyway. ::sob::