Dear Priscilla,

STOP WHINING. There are children in Bhutan that don’t even know what Halloween is. Does it really matter that you had to go a year without celebrating your favourite holiday?

Freshman year, you spent three hours doing your Nightcrawler makeup. This year, you grabbed a costume you had previously made, chosen based on what could be put on in the same amount of time as normal clothes. It balances out.

Love,
The only part of your brain apparently not having any say in your emotional state

P.S. That Ben & Jerry’s in the fridge? That’s what it’s there for.