From the Ancient Files of Priscilla N. Spencer: Alternative “Dido and Aeneas” Translations!

Purcell: Ah! Ah! Ah! Belinda, I am prest with torment.

English: I’m feeling depressed.

Teenager: God, I need coffee.

Pirate: Arr, me wench. I’ve a scurvy pain in me pegleg.

PseudoGerman: Ach, Belinden. I’men tormentenpressen.

Valleygirl: Ooh! Like, Belinda! Like, I am, like, seriously needing some, like, Tylenol or something.

Nadsat: Belinda, my droogie, I’ve a horrorshow pain in me gulliver.

*snickets* Why didn’t I continue this?