Did you know that Hermione is actually Elvis’ illegitimate alien love child?

Ah, nothing like a good Biology take-home exam! We had to classify all these weird alien organisms, and to make things more fun, I gave them all names. At their current configuration, Hermione and Krycek are the offspring of Elvis and Emeril (Kell’s friend’s stuffed monkey). However, Emeril has been cheating on Elvis. He and Dave (who are brothers) had a child named Gatch. Gatch is the grandson of Milton. Milton’s sister, Smitty, is the deformed daughter of Kell and the aunt of Tanja, whose brother is a two-headed freak named Dwight. And that’s just the tip of the iceburg, baby! ::scampers off to destroy more lives::